so, as some of you know from my other social sites, i am going through a period of utter and total heartbreak.

it has been three weeks since i tasted this bitter loneliness, and as much as i want so, so badly to go back, i cannot. i can never go back, because there is a thin yet transparent wall between us now that can never again be breached.

i am left with a certain helpless sense of finality.


i never knew it was humanly possible to feel this much anguish,
and i accept the fact that somewhere in my heart, i will always, always love him.
and no matter how hard i try to hate it, i never will.



it kills me, it utterly desecrates me,
but i must drag myself forward, even if it is by my very fingertips
because life never stops for anyone
not even those who have already given up..

please, i'm begging you God, please give me the strength.

first love goes with you to the grave,
but i will be strong.